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And I definitely watched it on TV in the basement. A few months ago Danny made it clear he was fully estranged from his family, for reasons unrelated to his transition (in . The flights of language flutter as they shed weight; he describes permitting collapse, abandoning resistance., Shortly before the publication ofSomething That May Shock and Discredit You, Laverys father John Ortberg wassuspendedfrom the Bay Area evangelical church where he ministered. I think the way I experienced it was a sense of whether or not something was possible. As an Associate Professor of English, Critical Theory, and Gender & Women's Studies at the University of California, Berkeley, her research explores the history and theory of aesthetics and interpretation, with particular interests in psychoanalysis, literary realism, and queer and trans cultures. The Ulster Unionists are so nationalistic, so intense about being part of Britain, but my experience is that most people in the rest of Britain look down on them as these embarrassing, violent hicks, and that almost makes them perversely proud, you know? (Lavery changed his name after wedding trans academic Grace Lavery in December 2019.) This week: the ex . But youre not their relative, youre not their friend, dont worry about them. As reported by Religion News Service, the elders hired an investigator who . He is attempting to keep children safe. Ortberg, who since his marriage has changed his name to Daniel M. Lavery but published this book under the name Daniel Mallory Ortberg, first became famous for co-founding the beloved cult website . Now were in trouble.. I would say rather that its a genre that requires a justification of the tweaks youre making, each time someone produces a new one. ROYAL! All of these are great, but I love that last photo of Grace, she looks so happy! You write so well about the gentleness of Columbo, or William Shatners soft hips. [8], He was included in the 2015 Forbes "30 under 30" list in the media category. How did you decide to shape the text that way? That is in me, I want to do that, and also as I hear myself say that Im like, boy oh boy, you are being very silly right now, you need to stop being so silly. Really it goes back to Shakespeare, like, Why am Ibeguiledby this creature? How do you think aboutSomething That May Shock and Discredit Youin relation to the last book? I also feel like that dovetails with another aspect of the book, which is your quest for a new form of language. And the moment of triumph is when that character figures out how to navigate them. WEDDING! (His current name is Daniel M. Lavery, Shock and Discredit was released under the name Daniel Mallory Ortberg, and you'll find other writings under his middle and former last name). In the November email . I think its also easy for people like me to forget or overlook howI feel like American evangelicals have thought of themselves, at least up until recently, as being apart from the traditional mainline Protestant denominations. Like early David Bowie or late Barbra Streisand, Daniel Mallory Ortberg is a multi-faceted, spinning-top type of genius flexible, lightning-quick, complicated, unfathomable. A Penguin Random House Company And, you know, it's actually a place . The Ortbergs have three children -- Laura Turner, Johnny Ortberg III, and Danny Lavery (nee Daniel Ortberg nee Mallory Ortberg). And yet, Something That May Shock and Discredit You is largely about Lavery refusing to learn about himself, and when he finally concedes to do so, wrestling with what he learns in private. Things I've Said In The Past 72 Hours. Am I Elvis? Like, if youve seenVideodromeand you think hes suggesting this is very very bad, couldnt possibly be some sort of glorious apotheosis, I love that this is like, I accuse them of not getting Cronenberg! [laughter], Its like youre telling them: You know what else is irreversible? He has written about the incident in his newsletter. Im clearly thinking about her a lot, he said. I tend to really hunker over my stuff and not show it until Ive completed the first draft, but thats not always the case. By the way, I dont know if youve ever seen this, it didnt make it into the book, but I did write about it later in my newsletterthe very last episode to air of the originalStar Trekseries, Turnabout Intruder, is basically autoandrophilia. But it was very much that something I believed to be true was not true. The premise was inspired by a comments-section thread on a piece Cliffe had written for The Awl; on Cliffes review of Gone With the Wind, a commenter wrote that their experience in the South was nearly identical to the novel except everybody has cellphones, prompting him to imagine how Scarlett OHara might have used a cell phone. I found myself wishing out loud that I had been out when I first moved to New York, had discovered the LGBTQ community sooner. . You idiots were just picking up iron, but I, I danced. Or the focus on an imagined future regret, as if theres any life decision youcouldntpotentially regret. Photograph by Grace Lavery. She loves and hates him, she loves and hates herself, and she takes over his body for the episode, she tries to killhiminherbody. That restriction was something that I had learned very young, often without anyone having to tell me exactly what it was or why. [31] It was originally published as individual essays. Daniel Mallory Ortberg Talks The Merry Spinster, The Toast, and "Dear Prudence" in the Era of Trump and #MeToo May 30, 2018 by Chelsea Adelaine Hassler First Published: March 19, 2018 But certainly in terms of an arc, to go fromThe Merry Spinsterto the guy [Lord Byron] on the front of this coverI love it, hes so histrionic, like hes trying to tear his own skin off. My agent and my editor were both incredibly helpful. Navigating the Complexities of Precious Metals Investment:, 7 Decorating Ideas Thatll Give Your Bedroom, Understanding Amazing General and Health Advantages of, Understanding the role of pain management in, Understanding the Benefits of Using Kubernetes, 5 Art Museums in France | Interesting Facts, Characteristics of the Austrian Capital: Vienna Free Walking, 16 Visa-Free Countries Across the World that Allow, Basic tips for beginners to play World of, Top 5 Online Baccarat Strategy Tips for Newbies, MLB 2023 Opening Day Schedule: Major Highlights, Gareth Bale Retires From Football: A Legacy Of. The couple married on December 22, 2019. (Photo courtesy of Grace Lavery) One of the first things that leaps to mind is a disappointing example, which is when I was first beginning to look into how to train my voice. Theres also a sense of, If you do eventually read this, it will make this feel a little more nuanced., Lavery is known for these rabbit-hole-style obsessions, which he said he often becomes aware of when hes taking it too personally. In the case of this book, some of the material is a holdover from his high school preoccupations, while some came to him later in life. Grace Lavery is a writer, editor, and academic living in Brooklyn, NY. And William Shatner, which you distinguish from William Shatner the actual human being. They weave Laverys life experiences together with his historical and pop-cultural obsessions: everything from the biblical story of Jacob wrestling with God, to Golden Girls, to HGTVs House Hunters, to Star Trek, to the myth of Apollo and Hyacinthus. By Nicole Cliffe and Danny M. Lavery. And one thing thats just odd on a logistical level, aprons arent sensitive. Yeah. Daniel M. Lavery's imaginings and fantasies have been bright spots on the Internet for quite a while. I still do.) Some are essays and some are scripts or imagined conversations; at first the chapters and interludes are distinct, but at a certain point they start to blend together. Lavery rushed ahead the wedding to his fianceGrace, an academic, and they moved across the country to Brooklyn. So I had to change it a couple weeks out from going to press, Id never made changes to a book that late in my life. I should get one of those ergonomic keyboards, probably, Im always writing in bed. . I highlighted the info from the about section from this site where it states that it includes trans peeps amongst everyone else in the lgbt+ community. This outcome brings us no pleasure. So it wasnt like I had a conscious sense of denial; either Im very, very good at self-denial, such that I didnt know I was doing it, or there was something else at play. Navigating the Complexities of Precious Metals Investment: A Full Guide, 7 Decorating Ideas Thatll Give Your Bedroom a Timeless Look, Understanding Amazing General and Health Advantages of Learning Guitar, Want to Sell Your House? Grace and I have talked about this, one of the problems isevery trans memoir has to saythisone is different from the other trans memoirs, so even in the act of saying this ones different youre doing the same thing everyone else has ever done. Her Continue reading . Do you know his wholeangel of historypassage? Etika: What Happened To The Controversial Youtube Gamer? Theres the rapture portion, and the Jacob story, which he revisits several times, Pauls epistles, and various verses and parables sprinkled throughout that feel almost reflexive. The beloved internet writer talks to Heather Havrilesky about his new identity. As of 2022, he hosts a podcast on Slate titled Big Mood, Little Mood. In early 2018, he spoke to Autostraddle about the process of gender transitioning while writing his book: The Merry Spinster. This week, Grace Lavery and Daniel Mallory Ortberg discuss a Prudie letter: the mom with a crush. All are hilarious, infused with the type of magical thinking Lavery excels at. There was a lot of vague posting about the estrangement in general extended over months, but nothing specific until today. I subscribe to Christianity Today, but maybe not for much longer.. I'm not the only one to notice that CT has taken a strong "leftward turn" towards the social gospel and (what I think of as) cultural Marxist stances. Theres not a lot of choice. The congregation member, who volunteered with youth and children at the Bay area megachurch and in the community, had been experiencing "an . And somehow Im going to use them all like a series of arias to storm a garrison, or flee a garrison. Before I could ask myself the questionam I a boy?, I could ask myself the question:Am I Anne of Green Gables? You know, This is my son in whom I am well pleased. For all shall be changed and taken up in the blink of an eye. Its all there. Feb 21, 20196:01 AM. Horrified by this moral cowardice, he severed ties with his family of origin. Figuring out the little restrained areas and how carefully they were guarded, even within my own mind, was very surprising, he added. I now feel its pretty much just a part of me, just a part of who I am, a part of how I think about the world, how I grew up, how I relate to things like community or desire or change.. I think you hint at this in the text, but why do those appeal to you? I like my values better. Yeah. I spent a long time running through that castle being like, This castles great. Lavery had reported a congregant's confession of "obsessive sexual feelings about young children" to Pastor Ortberg, who encouraged that person to continue volunteering with minors. That was one of the things that took me aback the most readingLou Sullivans diaries, how they couldve been written yesterday, especially in terms of the humour. Like, theres that passage where you turn these bromides about transition into a Joycean soliloquy, or the entire chapter made up of fake memoir chapters. I dont want to talk about anything directly right now, I dont want to talk about anything representational right now, lets see what happens. It was just a really strange time. Andthe ending, hes lying around shirtless holding a gun and flexing his muscles on his bed. In some ways I feel like this book is more connected to the first one [Texts from Jane Eyre], or its more of a revisiting of the first one, but pushing further than that book left off. A newsletter about rejiggered literary classics, transmasculine underpinnings of the plucky heroine, and the failure-limits of graciousness, from table manners to family estrangement. Here are some interesting things about his life that may shine a new light about his books, journey and challenges: Speaking to the Guardian he said: There is both a lot of gender in that book and in some ways very little gender. . I love these two, so glad they found each other and I agree with everyone else saying how beautiful the wedding was and how truly happy they both look. Nicole Cliffe will return next . This is all so beautiful, I had a happy tear at the joy in that last photo of Grace. I think that was partly because I felt the desire for clich rising in me so strongly, so it wasnt, Everyone around me is saying this and I must put a stop to it so much as, like, FuckI want to say this, and I know that if I do it might secure me in the short term what I think I want from somebody else, but it will also immediately result in a sense of failing to tell the truth about the one thing I really wanted to tell it about.. is there anything too hard for god scripture kjv; tillsonburg golf course open today Its like the Bluebeards castle story. WE ARE NOT WORTHY. [18] He stopped writing the column in May 2021. But also, even at a really young age, I had an appetite for different kinds of experiences, and Midwestern evangelicalism doesnt necessarily encourage a whole lot of that [laughs], though one way in which it does is through daydreaming, imagination, impressions. As of 2022, he hosts a podcast on Slate titled . As of 2022, he hosts a podcast on . Last November, Daniel M. Lavery -- cofounder of the Toast and Metafilter favorite author -- abruptly and publicly broke with his entire family of origin. I grew up reading Chesterton and hes saying those things, and also fascinated by elves, in the way that a lot of old British reactionaries sometimes are, where theyre like, Oh, Im socharmedby these creatures., Theres also a recurring bitter joke in the book where youre making fun of people whore likedid you ever seethose Crimethinc [sic] posters? I was thinking about that whole forced-masc fantasy the other day, as one does, and its an interesting contrast with the forced-feminization stuff thats all like,you are a dumb bimbo with no agency. I was struck by that G. K. Chesterton quote you use, even though he was a dreadful old reactionary: In the fairy tale an incomprehensible happiness rests upon an incomprehensible condition. Something That May Shock and Discredit You Quotes Showing 1-30 of 55. Daniel Mallory Ortberg.jpg 643 1,049; 197 KB. On November 21, Daniel M. Lavery reports to the Elders of Menlo Church that their senior pastor, John Ortberg Jr., had conspired in secret to provide a person experiencing compulsive sexual feelings towards children with unsupervised access to young people through youth groups-in the hopes that the Menlo Elders would conduct a confidential and thorough investigation of the report, and make . Lim said that she admires Daniel and Grace Lavery for the "mental and emotional sacrifices" they made to ensure that the matter was taken seriously. He also writes Slate's Dear Prudence advice column, hosts the Dear Prudence podcast, and is the author of the New York Times bestselling book Texts from Jane Eyre: and Other Conversations with Your Favourite Literary Characters (2014). I wish you could convey that my tone of voice is a little silly right now [laughs], but that felt like the title immediately, like, obviously were doing this. I dont think Ive heard this song in 10 years. We are holding space for your family. I was able to see wishful thinking in places where I previously hadnt, and it felt immediately clear to me that I would not be able to stand by any of the things I had written about my family of origin. And t.A.T.u. Humor, he said, was key here, but it had to be the right kind of humor. [7], Lavery's first book, Texts from Jane Eyre, was released in November 2014[20][21] and became a New York Times bestseller. I love watching yall be friends + colleagues from a distance via the magic of Autostraddle and the Internet! All Rights Reserved. Does anyone know where its from? Theres nothing sensitive about an apron. He also serves up regular guidance to Slate readers as their 'Dear Prudence' columnist. Theres this Wittgenstein line that I think about a lot: If a lion could speak, we would not understand him. Because the lions frame of reference is so remote and alien from your own, even if he were using the same language mechanically. with minors. [8][9] He attended Azusa Pacific University,[10] a private, evangelical Christian university in California. When I took a pause, it was very clear to me that I wanted to continue. He actually pulls it off, he successfully manages to convince everyone that he was never wearing a tie. Here are Some Useful Tips. Heres what it was like, heres what happened, heres what its like now. But yeah, I at least among my transmasculine friends have noticed a lot of comedy, and I think Ive benefited from it, because those jokes we make among one another have influenced my writing a lot. You've decided to leave a comment. But the flipside of self-denial is the indulgence, and then the relief that comes with confession, theres a cycle there, whereas with evangelicalism you dont get too many of those moments. He had wonderfully soft hips and they were so mean and they put him in so many girdles. Photo by Grace Lavery. [11][12], Lavery has credited the work of Shirley Jackson and her novel We Have Always Lived in the Castle, in particular, and John Bunyan's The Pilgrim's Progress as influential. Daniel Lavery made an interesting observation of his father below. Treating the most anodyne straight guys like you are Sam Gamgee and they are Frodo. And so much of the fantasy is about sexual fulfillment through desexualization: I want you to treat me like a boy. A former girlfriend of Kirks is furious and bitter, because of sexism, which drives her insane. Do you think theres a distinctively transmasculine form of comic writing? It was the sort of thing where luckily it wasnt most of the book, like it was just really one chapter and then a couple of different moments. Later, in his 30s, Lavery found that the same mental exercisethe emotional steelingapplied to his desire to transition, and his determination to keep that desire buried for as long as possible. Yeah. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Enby is a Black/Trans owned company run by 3 enby's that believes that all bodies deserve affirmation and pleasure. I am ultimately a materialist, but I really admire, like, Walter Benjamin, the people who try to be communist mystics. Published by at February 16, 2022. Wow, Im so sorry. Tegan and Sara Criticizeand Come to Terms WithTheir Past Selves, Kristen Arnett Reimagines Taxidermy as a Queer Art Form, See all the fashion, celebrity interviews, and more from. daniel ortberg grace lavery wedding. I love that whole chapter about so-calledrapid onset gender dysphoria.The ROGD makes me think of frogs whenever I see it. The Sussexes kept their Windsor property, which was a gift from the queen, despite their move to California, but it is now reportedly intended for Prince Andrew. I think I texted you a while ago, I really identify with how hes blithely confident yet constantly panicking. Do you feel like your relationship with religion has changed because of all this? This past Sunday, Daniel shared that the church member who confessed to these thoughts and feelings was his younger brother, John Ortberg III. You can have the whole castle, just dont go in this one room. Im so thrilled that Grace and Danny agreed to share some images of that day with you all; selfishly, because I want to re-live every moment I can, and because reveling in as much queer joy as we can is a gift, one that we should hold tight to. The historical home of Christendom. Which it was not, there was a pretty big region that was the home of Christendom before that. He had a chess date at 6 p.m. with some lesbians I met at a coffee shop a few days ago. Hed asked where theyd gotten their chess set, which was based on the Lewis chessmen, and theyd invited him to play. Aaahh I have been swooning over these for weeks!! John Ortberg is an author, speaker, and senior pastor at Menlo Church in the San Francisco Bay Area. The hedging. Daniel Mallory Ortberg is the co-founder of The Toast and author of the books Texts From Jane Eyre (Hachette, 2016), The Merry Spinster: Tales of Everyday Horror (2018), and the forthcoming Something That May Shock and Discredit You (Simon & Schuster, February 2020). Also, I would quite like Dannys formal coat plz and thank you. Preparing for the rapture [is] totally arbitrary, doesnt have anything to do with whats actually happening around you, but its the intense internal preparation for the absolute removal of reality from your life.. Relatable, though. By signing up you agree to our User Agreement and Privacy Policy & Cookie Statement. And its the only moment in his onscreen appearances where something works for a minute. [38] They were married on December 22, 2019. I wish we were all best friends,and I will save them from the world. The ending of the book also underwent some revision. Daniel M. Lavery (@daniel_m_lavery) June 28, 2020. Feature image via Daniel Ortberg's Instagram. Lets ride off together on a fucking horse. [27][28][29][30] The Merry Spinster reinvents fairy tales such as Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast; in the Los Angeles Times, Agatha French described his renderings as making the "stories both weirder and yet somehow more familiar". Obviously I want trans kids to be able to talk about themselves, but this was literally in conversation with me, and I was like: I dont know any trans teenagers, and you dont know any either. Let the record stand that I was just transported back to my family computer in the basement circa 2002, illegally torrenting this song. And I think oftentimes with trans people, when we come out as trans its not our first coming out weve done one or two trial runs before. And Im really glad that I was able to, I cannot imagine having to tour on the strength of a book that I felt like I had to partially disavow. Dont treat me like a girl, but stop treating me like a boy. It initially concluded with what Lavery described as "a very optimistic look at my relationship with my father," John Ortberg, a pastor at . The ending of the book also underwent some revision. It was this terrible anarchist group and they had these posters that showed, like, a boy wearing an apron. Click to read The Chatner, a Substack publication with tens of thousands of readers. OpenStreetMap; Locator tool; Search depicted; Media in category "Daniel M. Lavery" The following 6 files are in this category, out of 6 total. It wasnt so much I wanted to say I could create this space where gender doesnt exist it is just unfamiliar configurations. I didnt realize this site celebrated heterosexual relationships. Congrats to the newlyweds! You know one trans person, and its me, and Im in my thirties. I know that weve talked about this beforeI feel like over the past couple of years people have really been rebelling against the tragic/sentimental modes imposed ontrans memoir, imposed on any kind of autobiographical writing, really. Because changes might occur to the manuscript [laughs]. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Cond Nast. Danny is a co-founder of The Toast with Nicole Cliffe and currently runs Dear Prudence at Slate. Originally posted on Twitter with the note: Here is the letter that Danny sent to John Ortberg III demanding he stop working with children. Literally shedding tears in my bed at 10.23 pm looking at this, thanks. They wanted to know me; they wanted to be there for me. Please keep in mind that comments are moderated by the guidelines laid out in our comment policy. Maybe it was a sense of keeping oneself busy. This prompted him to imagine how Scarlett O'Hara might have used a cell phone. Walker (netflix) features two Black women having a flirty, ntimate &, I design tshirts & hats that reference queer history / the queer archive! I was like, Hell yeah, I wont go in that room. And to be clear, Im not claiming they secretly want to transition or something, but yeah, that idea ofIm sure if you understood transition as something you were tricked into, or that was forced upon you, I can understand why you would view that with horror. For Lavery, Hutz's performance conjured a moment of "masks coming off, layers coming off, falling apart, being unable to maintain a particular set of assumptions" that spoke to the collapse of his former identity: the woman known as Mallory Ortberg. Theyre never going to say it, there was no amount of good I could have been, and its a relief to no longer have to pretend. Club and InStyle Australia all naming it to lists of best forthcoming titles in 2018. Hes always seemed unrestrained, self-aware, at ease on the internet in a way that drew so many readers to him initially. A much more well-known quote fromOrthodoxyis: Joy, which was the small publicity of the pagan, is the gigantic secret of the Christian. The whole bit about daisies gets very sentimental in a way that I dont vibe with. "Their presence and position is a material disincentive to anyone who might want to come forward with reports of misconduct," she said. The big revelation was about coming out as trans. Daniel Mallory Ortberg . Sitting in the gorgeous lobby of the Julia Morgan ballroom, I couldn't stop thinking about two things: 1. Sorry, Im really hung up on that [both laugh]. Confession: I am an absolute sucker for weddings. This week, Grace Lavery and Daniel Mallory Ortberg discuss a Prudie letter: the noncommittal boyfriend. Daniel Mallory Ortberg is also the author of the short story collection The Merry Spinster: Tales of Everyday Horror (Henry Holt, 2018). Taking up Corinthians, Ortberg trumpets transition as ecstatic metempsychosis: flesh as the anticipation of resurrection, "an opportunity in the hands of the Lord.". It almost seems like you had the inverse problem, like, such awareness of and familiarity with the language of transition, people whohadtransitioned, that it was overwhelming. Just jarring. Daniel M. Lavery (born Mallory Ortberg, November 28, 1986) is an American author and editor. Robin took such amazing photos, and Grace and Danny look so happy. This happened at work where he happened to meet Nicole Cliffe, with whom he operated The Toast, a feminist general interest web site, from July 2013 to July 2016. Get the latest chatter, from Kensington Palace and beyond, straight to your inbox. I dont go back and pick it up again. The premise was inspired by a comments section thread on a piece Cliffe had written for The Awl; on Cliffe's review of Gone With the Wind, a commenter wrote that their experience in the South was nearly identical to the novel "except everybody has cellphones". He has since been reinstated under a restoration plan.) Lavery has cut ties with his biological family, editing out most of the references to them. Recently, I took a guess at how much I spent on bras (and later binders) every year probably somewhere between $100 and $150, depending on how fancy or flush I felt, and allowing for the . I come here for gay shit, to put it simply. On April 30th, 2018, Sabaah Jauhir-Rizvi published this report detailing multiple child sexual assaults that she experienced at Willow Creek Community Church in Illinois, carried out by my biological father, John Ortberg, Jr. janelied.wordpress.com. Holt, $17 trade paper (208p) ISBN 978-1-250-11342-9", "The Most Anticipated Books of Spring 2018", "12 Books Every Harry Potter Fan NEEDS To Read In 2018", "The 10 books we can't wait to read in 2018", "8 Books You Absolutely Have To Read This Month", "Exclusive preview: Daniel Mallory Ortberg returns with new memoir-in-essays", "No writer does "weirdly specific yet relatable" better than Daniel Mallory Ortberg", "Mal Ortberg's Creepy New Book is Coming Out and Mal Is Too", "Daunt wins four-way battle for Lavery memoir", "i'm terribly happy and my pants are muddy - the road to yosemite was flooded so i proposed by the side of the road. Daniel M. Lavery (@daniel_m_lavery) June 28, 2020 Lavery, Ortberg's trans-identifying , estranged child, revealed the identity of the church volunteer as Ortberg's son. I had this great screenshot that was like, She has delusions of being Captain Kirk, and just wrote, Same. Its a very upsetting episode, and its surprising that its the last episode of the series, because its so odd. It was like the lesbian apocalypse. Daniel identifies as queer. A box is opened, and all evils fly out. Ok its my kids (twins) 14th birthday on the 5th. But the joys also came with some challenges as he stated: It was a little over a year ago that I first started asking myself, consciously, Am I trans? I was finishing the book at that point. And Ive been able to tinker with that over the years, such that I give myself lots and lots of little deadlines, so Im always turning something in. What is the NBA Bubble and How Does It Work? I'm taking up a whole table in a crowded coffee shop, by myself, . You could 100 percent do that, but it sounds boring as shit. I was thinking a lot at the time about physical stress, fraudulence, being exposed as a fraud. All the best weddings have an important thing in common: they manage to capture the spirit of the couple; they paint everyone who loves and cares for them in the softest, most generous light possible.

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